Waking Nightmares
by inkfr33k
Summary: A very dark fanfic I just started. ::WARNING:: rape trigger. Darkened memories, lost time, and fear has Jane turning to Dr. Isles for help. Please comment as I this is my first time so please help me out and let me know if I should continue.
1. Chapter 1

Jane closed her eyes they burned with exhaustion. The only light in her house was coming from her laptop and the light over the kitchen sink. opening her eyes she looked away from the laptop, it was dark now. How long had she been staring at the screen of her computer? Slowly rising off the sofa Jane could feel the muscles in her body protest. She slowly starts to make her way to the kitchen,making a mental note that she needs a desk and chair. Once in the kitchen she flicks on the light. Her eyes squint as the white light fills the darkened room. The clock on the stove says 3:26AM. A sigh escapes the tall brunette as she grabs a glass from the cabinet. Grabbing a few ice cubes from the freezer she drops them in the glass. The sound fills the room. If the ice sounded loud then the faucet sounded like Niagra falls. The sound was somewhat soothing in its cadance. Jane stood at the sink and let the sound of the running water drown out her own thoughts.

Jane could feel her body jump as she snapped back to reality, water still running. Slowly looking around she could see the faint light of sunrise entering the room. Looking down she notices the ice has melted in the glass. pouring it out in the sink she thinks, "'fuck...' how long have I been out this time?" the clock on the stove now read 4:55AM. "O well.. time to start the day I guess." she mumbled to herself. Dragging her feet she stumbled off to her bedroom to get ready for the day. reaching her bedroom she puts the light on and heads to her dresser grabbing the essentials she makes her way to the shower. After drying herself and getting dressed she turns out the light and stands for a moment in the darkened room. For some reason the dark and quiet fits her mood. Jane grabs her jacket and starts to walk out the door before turning to the kitchen. "UGH...shit Jane, stupid real stupid." she walks over turns off the faucet and the light and heads out the door.

Parking her car at the precicnt, she makes her way to the building. She notices the strange looks and smug smiles as she walks in, all the while thinking to herself 'WTF is everyone looking at?'. She waits for the elevator to arrive so she can just get to her desk and work. People in general, are annoying her today. As the elevator door opens she walks out into the hallway outside of the homicide division. A couple of detectives where talking in the hallway, but when they saw her they looked at each other and then walked away. Starting to get really pissed off she walks to her desk. Frost was across from her with his face burried in his computer screen. She sat with a grunt. Frost looked up to say good morning but the words were lost in his throat. His eyes grew wide as he looked at Jane. Jane not being able to hold her anger any longer lashed out at Frost, "What The Fuck are you staring at?" Frost swallowed hard a few times and then asked, "Jane are you feeling ok?" Jane was getting madder and madder each second. "Of course, I feel fine why?" Frost just shook his head and mumbled under his breathe as he stuck his face back into his monitor. This was all Jane could handle, she walked in the hallway and into the ladies room.

Jane stood in front of the mirror and just stared. Both her eyes darkened and her nose was crooked and badly bruised. A large gash on her cheek, and bruising around her neck with some small scratches. All at once flashes of two nights before started to flood Janes mind. Her breath hitched in her throat, tears started to fall the whole room was spinning. She caught flashes as they flew past. sitting in the Robber with Maura. Drink after Drink. Laughing. Waving goodbye to Maura as she left for the night. Walking home casue she had a few too many. Hearing someone in the alley. At this last thought Jane began to shake. The images began to get darker and harder to understand. A man. Too close. Too slow. A bright light. The man looking down at her. Hard to breathe. Then nothing. Darkness. As the images start to fade from her mind something in her snapped.

Frost went down to the mourge. He stopped in front of the double doors looking inside to make sure Dr. Isles wasn't doing anything particularly gross at the moment. opening the door the Dr. looks up from her table. "Dr. Isles."he says in way of a greeting. "Hello detective. How can I help you?" He lowers his eyes before he speaks, "well, it's Jane actually." Mauras pulse jumped. Her breathing became erractic as detective Frost tried to explain. "Well she came in this morning and just... well... somethings not right, can you come and talk to her please." Maura had noticed how subdued and lost det. Frost seemed to be. Trying to be a calm as possible she started to remove her gloves. in a voice so low she almost couldn't hear him Frost said "she went into the restroom about 30 minutes ago and hasn't come out." This really got Maura worked up. What could be wrong that Jane would hole up in the restroom? What was it that Frost wasn't... or couldn't tell her? She made her way to the restroom outside of the homicide office.

lightly knocking she opened the door and said Janes name. No reply. She looked around the bathroom and almost didn't see her. Jane had crawled into the last stall and was hiding next to the toilet on the floor, her knees curled up into her chest as tight as she could get them. Slowly Maura made her way to the last stall. The door was open. What she saw there nearly broke her heart. Janes eyes where wide open, although she could tell that they were not seeing what was in front of her. Maura knelt in front of Jane. "Jane?" Muaras' voice trembled as she spoke to her friend. Nothing, no sounds no movement, nothing. "Jane, honey?" as she spoke she reached out her hand and gently touched Janes' knee.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Jane's entire body went rigid. Someone was touching her. She blinked wildly for a second and finally a face started to come slowly into focus. She could see the persons mouth was moving but she couldn't hear anything. The face in front of her started to really take shape. It was Maura. Her body started to shake uncontrollably, she tried to pull her knees tighter to stop it. Her arms felt like lead and her mind was racing so many images that she began to feel faint. She managed to utter one word, "Maura." before completely passing out.

Maura's mind was racing trying to take in what she was seeing. Besides the wounds she could see she was already trying to catalog any that she couldn't. She yelled for Frost. He stepped in looking very nervous and a little ashamed to be in the ladies restroom. "call an ambulance!" she barked. Frost looking totally bewildered took a few steps further into the restroom. Seeing Jane passed out got him motivated. He grabbed his radio and walked out side to call for the 'bus'. He also stood watch at the door to make sure no one went in.

Maura started treating Jane for shock. She gently took Jane's legs and stretched them out so she was laying on her back. She then took off her lab coat and covered Jane with it. She went around to her feet and held them up. She knew what she was doing was helping but Jane remained unconscious. The ambulance took very little time to arrive. Before Maura knew what was really happening she was being pushed aside. The EMT's worked very fast. They made sure Jane was stable before loading her onto a gurney and whisking her away. Maura stood for a moment in the restroom alone. She nearly screamed out when someone said her name. Frost, was standing in the doorway looking very upset.

"Whats happening?" he said. Maura stood just shaking her head. "I don't know." was all she could come up with. Slowly she walked to the sink turned on the faucet and splashed cool water on her face. Turning off the faucet she turns to Frost, "let's go." They both walk from the precinct and get into the detectives' car. Neither felt like talking as they wound there way through the streets to the hospital. After finding a parking spot the both walk into the emergency room entrance. As if on cue, Frosts' phone rings. Looking at the screen "ugh... Cavanaugh." He points to the reception desk as he answers his phone, indicating for her to get info. Maura walks to the desk and is greeted by a young woman with a very warm smile.

"Hello I am Dr. Maura Isles, I am wanting information on Det. Jane Rizzoli." Her voice sounded more stable than the rest of her felt. Ever since the car ride her knees have felt like rubber, like they could give out at any moment. The woman eyes her and then says "I will see if her Dr. can come talk to you." The girl leaves the desk and goes through a very large, very locked set of double doors. Maura sits next to Frost in the waiting room. He had finished his call and looked even more upset, if that was even possible. In a voice so unlike his own he asks Maura, "is she sick?" Maura's only reply was a slight shrug. "Barry what happened to her face?" Maura's eyes locked on his. Feeling the weight of her stair, he shook his head and lowered his eyes.

As time pasted, nothing more was said. After what seemed like an eternity a Dr. in a lab coat and scrubs came out to the waiting room. "Dr. Isles?" he said to no one in particular. Maura jumped to her feet so fast she almost lost her balance. "Yes? That's me." The man turned to face her. Seeing where her and her friend where sitting he drug a chair over to sit in front of them. "I am Dr. Swift, I am helping your friend. First off let me say she is resting comfortably. She is heavily sedated. I have stitched the gash on her cheek and took pictures of the bruising on her neck, chest, and thighs." Maura was making mental notes. When all of a sudden her mind came to a screeching stop. Her eyes started to tear up as the started to speak again, but before he could begin she stopped him. "Excuse us please." Standing she grabbed Barry by the arm, and drug him away from ear shot of anybody. "Hey! What did you do that for?"

"Barry, I need you to trust me on this please." She almost begged him. "Trust you on what?" Was his reply. "I don't think Jane would want you to hear what is getting ready to be discussed. I know you care for her and want what is best for her but trust me on this, please." looking totally confused, and hurt, Frost lowers his head. "OK. I have some paper work to fill out at the station." looking now totally dejected Frost heads for the doors. "I will call you and keep you updated on how she is doing." Maura calls after him. After watching Frost walk to his car, she then turns to face the Dr. Sitting back in her chair she says "please continue."

After hearing everything the Dr. had to say. Maura sat back in the chair and let out a ragged sigh. Dr. Swift sat quietly, watching the woman in front of him try to absorb and deal with what she had just been told about her friend. "When can I see her?" She asked at last. The Dr. looked at the weary face in front of him and decided to have mercy. "you can go in now. She is more than likely still asleep but you can stay with her till we get her a room." Maura stood and offered her hand to the Dr. "Thank You." She followed him through the locked doors and behind the third curtain to where Jane was sleeping the deep sleep of pain killers.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

The sounds of the busy E.R. Faded away as Maura pulled the curtain closed behind her. Jane had a bandage on her face that covered her stitches. The bruises were now more visible under the harsh lights of the hospital. Maura pulled up a stool that was in the room, Jane's breathing was deep and rhythmic. All Maura could think was how peaceful Jane looked, a far cry from when she had last seen her. Carefully taking Jane's hand she held onto it like Jane was keeping her from falling. She must have tuned out for a while cause a sudden bang made Maura jump and let out a slight scream. Pulling back the curtain to see what was happening, she noticed a security guard go running through the locked doors. In the brief seconds the doors were open she saw and understood what had caused the bang.

Frankie was on the other side of the door. He was angry. "THAT'S MY SISTER!" security had surrounded him as Maura exited the E.R. Area. Calmly walking up to the receptionist she ask what the problem was. The girl was so scared, she said "we can't let him in to see a rape victim, what if he was the one that did it?" Maura calmly explained that Frankie was indeed Jane's brother. It took a few moments for the scene to be sorted out and calm down. When security had left, Maura walked over to Frankie, who was still breathing very heavy. Calmly Maura, walked up to Frankie and laid a hand on his shoulder. He looked down at her and shakily said "What is going on? I get to the station to get changed for my shift and Cavanaugh, tells me they brought Jane here in an ambulance." Letting Frankie talk and giving him time to relax Maura just nods. "I will tell you what's going on as soon as..." The doors to the reception area open and a VERY frazzled looking Angela runs in. "Where. Is. She?" Angela barks out at the small woman at the desk.

The poor woman at the reception desk looked like she might just walk out and quit right then and there. Maura walks over to save the poor girl and to retrieve Angela. With both Rizzolis sitting and looking at her Maura tries to tell them what she knew so far. She started to speak and words failed her. How do you tell someone their Daughter/Sister has been attacked and raped? She gathered her self as best she could, and started again. "Jane... Jane was.. attacked." The tears she was trying to hold back threatened to over power her. Angela and Frankie's eyes where as wide as dinner plates. "What?" Frankie's voice had no power in it, like all the air had been sucked from his lungs. Angela started to shake her head, Maura could see the woman was trying to wrap her head around what she had just been told.

"She is stable although they have her heavily sedated." Maura swallowed hard before she continued. "Jane was also...raped." The last word felt like poison as it wrenched its way out of her mouth. Stone silence. Maura was watching both of their faces. Nothing. Maura was starting to wonder if she had actually spoken the last bit out loud when Frankie jumped up from his seat with so much force he toppled the chair he had been sitting in over backwards. His eyes were wild. If he had been angry earlier the look on his face now was pure, unadulterated, rage. He would start to take a step, look around wildly, then step back to where he was. Maura could see he was quickly losing it. "Frankie..." Maura spoke in an even tone trying to get Frankie to look at her. When he didn't respond, "FRANKIE!" His head snapped in her direction. His face slowly started to turn from this horrible anger to the most anguished look she had ever seen. Frankie looked around himself and slowly bent down to retrieve the chair he had knocked over.

Sitting down he went into what Maura could only describe as a lethargic state. Angela had yet to move, say anything or breathe it seemed. Maura reached out her hand to hold Angela's. The woman seemed to snap back to reality when Maura touched her. The look of absolute bewilderment was making Maura nervous. "Angela, say something dear, please you are scaring me." All the older Rizzoli could do was shake her head. The older woman took in a deep ragged breath, that is when the damn broke. Her tears came with racking sobs. Maura wrapped her arms around Angela. Frankie absently patted his mothers knee.

After giving Angela a Valium, Maura drove her home. Frankie had collected himself as best he could as he had to go back to work. After Maura had dropped Angela off and making sure she got settled, Maura went to the main house changed out of her work clothes and into something more comfortable. She grabbed her keys and headed back to the hospital. The drive back was so silent even her "big ol' brain", as Jane would say, was quiet. The drive seemed to take no time at all. Before Maura knew it she had parked her car, and was through the doors of the reception area again. After checking in with the security officer she was led back to Jane, who was still unconscious.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

The darkness had waves in it. The waves rolled hard against her brain, making her stomach roll. "uuugh..." was she awake, was she asleep, or was she dead? The latter felt right if she were going by just how her head and stomach felt. Another wave. "ooooo..." She hated the feeling of waves in the darkness. "if I don't find some light, and I mean soon I am gonna yarg all over this boat." At the last thought her brain kicked in a little more. "BOAT? Why am I on a boat?" "Why can't I see anything?" Jane tried as hard as she could to open her eyes as wide as she could. Her eyelids felt like heavy iron shutters. Jane kept trying.

Maura had been at Janes side for the last 24 hours. The Dr.s had taken her off the heavy pain meds so she could start to wake up now that her body and mind had rested. Maura was studying Janes face as she watched her sleep. Now Janes eyes rolled and moved under her eyelids and she was starting to mumble ever so slightly in her sleep. Maura placed a hand on Janes cheek and the brunette seemed to relax a little. As she was pulling her hand away Janes eyes fluttered open for the briefest of moments. Maura's heart raced. Speaking in a voice as soft as a whisper, "Jane? I am here. Jane?" Nothing more. Janes face relaxed and her eyes became still. A deep sleep taking her again.

For what seemed like an eternity the waves slowed to a soft lull and Jane rested. As she let the small waves caress her she thought she saw the tiniest bit of light earlier. A voice. I heard a voice then too, so soft, so far away.

Jane slept for hours, so still that Maura was thinking of getting up and getting something to eat, when she saw Janes eyes start to move and roll under her eyelids again. This time Maura was standing next to Janes bed. Leaning in close to her ear. "Jane, Jane I am here. Can you hear me?" Inside the darkness Jane was trying harder than ever to open her eyes as wide as she could. "There is that voice again.", as Jane was struggling to catch any sign of light. "I can almost make out... Maura!" Jane stopped trying to catch the light and started to wave her hands. "Maura! Maura! I am over here! HEY!" The voice stopped.

Just as Maura had whispered into Janes ear she had started to mumble, she started to try to lift her arms. This alarmed Maura as Jane had so many I.V.s and monitors that she was scared she would pull them out. Maura called for the nurses, they came in and gave Jane a shot of something to calm her down. The strained look on Janes face and her flailing had stopped but she continued to mumble. Maura stayed and listened to her. Trying to understand what she was saying as if she were going to give her a clue as to what happened to her. "Oh Jane."

Not only was she in complete darkness, but know she felt as though there was a heavy fog in her head. "I know I heard Maura... Where is she... is she lost on this sea of darkness as well?" "MUARA!" Nothing. "MUARA!" Still nothing. "why can't I hear her anymore?" was the last thought that Jane had before exhaustion took over and she slept.

The darkness doesn't seem as dark now. The waves are still somewhat nauseating. Jane closed her eyes and just relaxed and then opened her eyes a little. "mmmm..." she felt her arm raise to her face to try and cover her eyes. "too bright." was all she could think. Maura about jumped out of the chair she was dosing in when she felt Janes arm move. She was preparing to call the nurses again when she realized Janes eyes where open, and staying open this time.

"Jane?" her voice very low as though not to frighten her. Jane slowly turned her head to see Maura sitting in a chair next to her. "There you are." As Jane saw her best friends face she smiled and let the darkness take her again. This time the waves where almost non existent, although she still felt a little wobbly and queasy. Jane slept, not the hard sleep of medication but the relaxed sleep of someone who had found what they had lost. A light sleep where she could here Maura, as she spoke, she could hear every word.

The room was so bright Jane squinted her eyes from it. Maura looked up as Jane moaned in discomfort. "too bright" was all the brunette could muster. Maura walked over and shut off all lights but one. The sun was shinning in through the windows so there was plenty of light still. Taking her seat beside Jane again, Maura takes Janes hand.

"Hey, how you feel?" Maura tenderly asks.

"Like I have been run over by a freight train." Jane says as she winces in pain trying to sit up.

"here let me put the bed up some." Maura presses the button on the side of the bed till Jane is sitting up. Looking over her friend, she begins to sob. "I, I'm sorry." Was all she could manage as she tried to stop the flow of tears.

"what the hell happened to me? The last thing I remember is drinking like a sailor at the Robber." the memories started to flood her mind. Too fast. Too much. All Jane could catch was a bright light, then pain, and then nothing.

"O GOD! did I get in a wreck!? Did I hurt someone? WHAT HAPPENED?!" she almost shouted at her friend. As she looked down to survey the damage to herself. Taking in the bandages and I.V.s

All Maura could do was shake her head. She brought her eyes up to meet Janes and just looked into the dark eyes of her friend.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Silence settled over the room as Maura and Jane stared at each other. The seconds ticked away, But it felt like years.

"Maura, please tell me what is going on. I truly am at a loss here I don't remember a thing." The voice usually so strong was barely more than a whisper. The eyes usually a deep intense brown were full of questions.

"Jane, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but, You were attacked." Maura having played this dialog over and over in her head still couldn't bring herself to say what the truth of it was. She lowered her eyes to the floor. Fighting the ever building urge to scream, she whispers softly, "Jane you were raped."

Sounding like someone had punched her in the stomach right as she spoke, "what?" Jane shook her head as if to clear it of that nasty thought. Her mind started to show her pictures, this time as they flashed by they seemed to make more sense. As the images showed her the truth behind the ugly word, Jane's body starts to shake.

In a move so fast it startled Maura. Jane jumped down from the bed. "NO." Jane repeated this over and over as she started to pull I.V.s and bandages and remove monitor leads. Maura sat for a second completely shocked by the sudden outburst. Then her 'Big Ol' Brain' kicked in.

"Jane, please sit down. I know that you..." Before she could say what she knew, Jane turned on her.

"You don't know anything!" the words were full of venom and pain. "where the fuck are my clothes?"

"Jane your clothes are under the bed in the green bag, but please sit back down." Having heard a commotion the nurse had started to head over to check on her patient. She walked in the room to find Jane half dressed, and removing the last of her bandages and leads.

"Ma'am please..." Jane spun around so fast the nurse grimaced and let out a startled squeak. The look on Jane's face was pure hate.

"DON'T call me Ma'am." seeing the reaction the nurse had to her she took a deep breath and sighed "please don't call me ma'am it's detective."

having slightly regained her composure the nurse started to speak. "OK _detective_ could you please sit back down. I will send in the Dr. to speak with you." The nurse reaches out a shaking hand to pull the curtain closed behind her.

"leave it open I don't like feeling like I am being hidden." Jane spoke in a monotone way that hid the fear, hurt and anxiety that was coursing through her. Jane slowly crawled back onto the bed. She sat with her feet dangling and her head down. She didn't speak.

Maura now pulled her chair a little closer to the bed and sat down. Slowly and gently she raises her hand to Jane's. Neither woman says a word as their hands clasp. The only sound is the sounds of the E.R. around them Nurses talking, Dr.'s giving orders and phones ringing. Jane doesn't hear it she is too deep inside her own mind. Maura uses the sounds to ground herself to reality.

The doctor steps in the area pulling the curtain closed behind him. The grating sound of metal curtain rings dragging on the metal curtain rod brings Maura from her trance like state. She raises her head to see Dr. Swift. A slight smile appears on his face, in way of a greeting. He clears his throat to tell Jane he is there. A slight frown runs across his face as she doesn't make any form of acknowledgment of his presence.

"Jane?" his voice sounded like booming thunder in the quiet of Jane's mind. She jumped slightly when she heard him speak. The smaller hand tightened a little to let her know she was still there. She couldn't move. She tried to raise her head to look at the Dr. A voice from somewhere inside her tells her _"don't look at him, he will know every dirty disgusting thing that happened to you. He will know you are weak." _Jane snaps her head up to look at him but doesn't meet his eyes.

"Hey there. I see you did the nurses job for her with removing your I.V.'s. I was going to order those removed anyway." Jane made a sheepish smile in spite of her self. "sorry" she spoke in a soft voice. "no biggie, may I take a look to make sure you didn't harm yourself?" He reaches out to touch Jane's arm. Jane stiffens as he touches her arm. Maura saw Jane flinch from the mans touch ever so slightly, her own insides were tumbling.

Having checked Jane over the Dr. pulled up a stool and sat down next to the bed. He had a chart open in front of him. Lowering his voice he starts to go over Janes injuries, As he speaks Jane starts to shake a little. Seeing this Maura grabs Jane's hand again. Rubbing small circles with her thumb on the soft skin of Jane's hand. The Dr. then began to detail what had happened to Jane. He gently started to explain that she had been violated. Jane at that point shook her head and said "I don't want to hear this." The Dr. nodded to himself but then explained that she needed to know what had happened to her and what to expect.

"Expect? What do you mean what I should expect? I have been raped, what more is there to expect?" Jane almost shouted as she clenched Maura's hand harder now. Speaking slowly and choosing his words carefully the Dr. explained that Jane's body had been violated and would react accordingly. He explained that Jane had suffered some internal tearing and some bruising. He also explained that she would be sent home for various antibiotics for possible infections. Dr. Swift cleared his throat, he also explained that Jane would need to take a pregnancy test.

Janes eyes grew wide as the last bit of information hit her like a freight train. "Pregnant?!", was all she could say. The Dr. nodded slightly as Jane's shoulders slumped and she lowered her head. In a voice almost non existent Jane spoke again. "I don't want to be pregnant, not this way." She was on the verge of either crying or puking she didn't know which. Suddenly her body made the decision for her. Jane jumped from the bed and ran to the garbage can in the corner of the room and purged her stomach. Maura walked to her side, and pulled her hair back as another retch racked Jane's body.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

After her stomach had settled, Dr. Swift told her she should follow up with her own Dr. in about 3 weeks. Jane just nodded, her mind was out of control she couldn't even speak. Her eyes locked onto the floor as thoughts raced inside her scattered brain. Disease, cuts, bruises, and a baby?! Jane's mind was spinning circles so fast she almost fell over. Speaking in a voice only she could hear, "what am I going to do with a baby?" "I can't have a baby." she said slowly shaking her head from side to side.

"Jane, you don't know that you are having a baby. The Dr. said it could be possible." Jane jumped slightly when Maura spoke, she was so into her head that she had almost forgot that Maura was there. "Yeah, sure." was all Jane could muster, her eyes still wide and slightly unfocused. They sat in silence as the Dr. filled out the release papers, coming back to the ladies the Dr. suggests that Jane not be alone for a while. He has also written her off until she sees her own Dr.

the entire car ride home was painfully quiet, each woman deep in their own thoughts. Before they knew it they were home. Maura reaches up and turns off the ignition, and just lets her hands fall back into her lap. Looking over at Jane she sees her detective sitting there looking so small and confused. With a soft and gentle voice, "Come on let's get you inside." Maura lets herself out of the car and goes around to Jane's side. Opening the door she slowly reaches into the car. As her hand lands on Jane's should the woman starts to shake and sob so deeply that the car is rocking slightly.

Maura leans down next to Jane, "Honey let's go inside OK?" Jane slowly turns in her seat and let's Maura help her to her feet. As she stands fully she looks to Maura and says "I'm sorry." with a slight look of shock on her face, "why are you sorry babe, you've done nothing wrong." Jane shakes her head and says, "you shouldn't have to see me like this." Maura just pulls her into a hug without responding, Jane stiffens a little and looks at the ground. Maura realizes that Jane may need some time before she is completely comfortable with contact again.

Inside the house Maura leads Jane to the couch. Maura then calls in all her meds. Jane stands quickly and says, "I am going to take a shower." Maura nods in agreement, "I will go get your scripts while you shower." Jane leaves the room. Maura watches as she goes down the hallway to the bedroom. She waits to hear the shower before leaving to go get the medicine Jane needs.

Jane adjusts the lighting to a lower setting as she turns on the shower. She removes her clothes and puts them in a neat pile on the counter. She catches her reflection as she walks to the shower. She stops and stares into the mirror. The bruises and cuts are easy to make out even in the lowered lighting. She says nothing just stares at the other person in the mirror. The person looking back just blinks. Having no idea how long she had stared into the mirror Jane hears Maura come back into the house. She steps away from the mirror and into the shower.

Jane turns on all the water heads in the shower, the warm water envelopes her body. Jane sits on the bench and lowers her head to her hands and just sits there letting the water pound her battered and bruised body. She didn't even realize she was crying until a soft knock on the door brought her back to the present. "Jane? Sweety are you OK in there?" Maura tried to keep her voice even and calm. "Yeah..yeah I'm alright give me a few minutes and I will be out." Jane got to her feet and washed over the bruises and cuts making note that soap stings like fire on freshly stitched cuts.

Maura goes back to the kitchen and begins to sort out the medicine that Jane would be taking. Three different antibiotics and a pain med. Maura's hands shake as she sorts out the pills. Her mind starts to whirl as the realization of what is going on finally slams home. She feels as if she is going to faint. Straightening herself up and shaking her head to come fully back to reality she thinks to herself, "pull it together, you can't fall apart when Jane needs you the most." She takes a deep cleansing breath and grabs two cups from the cupboard. Filling both with ice water she sets the glasses and pills on the island of the kitchen. Taking a seat she waits for Jane to join her.

The bedroom is darker know that the sun is starting to set. Jane doesn't turn on the light. She gets into her wardrobe and grabs some old jeans, an undershirt, and then a pull over jersey. She sits on the edge of the bed to put her shoes and socks on. Sitting in the room as it darkens fully clothes she lets her mind go blank. She welcomes the nothingness and its quiet. She sits like this for what seems like a few minutes, but is snapped out of it by the door being opened slightly. She can tell she had been there for a while as the room is completely dark now, the only light coming in from the hallway when Maura had opened the door. "I made soup and sandwiches for dinner so you could take your pills. Do you want to eat now or later?"

As Jane stands from her position on the bed she says, "I can eat." Jane follows Maura to the kitchen. As she steps into the kitchen her eyes squint at the amount of light in the room. Maura notices this and quickly goes over to adjust the lights. "Better?" Maura asks as she joins Jane at the island for dinner. "Much, thank you." Dinner was ate mostly in silence as neither woman really knew what to say. Maura stands and gathers dishes and Jane gets up to join her. "I got this, if you want to watch TV." Maura nods to the dishes. "No I want to help, I do every other time we have dinner here, I don't want things to change just because..." She didn't finish, Maura knew what she was going to say anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

An easy silence settled over the two women as they finished the dishes. Putting the last of the dishes in the drainer, Jane leans back on the counter. Letting her head hang back she lets out a sigh. Maura leans on the counter in the same fashion. After a moment of silence a small noise comes from Jane. Maura looks to her partner and sees that she is crying. Not wanting to startle Jane, Maura slowly slides her hand to where Jane's is resting on the counter. After no reaction Maura lays her hand over Jane's. Jane brings her head back up and starts to compose herself.

Maura looks at her lover and whispers, "It is OK to cry." Jane hangs her head. The tears sting like fire as they escape from her tightly closed eyes. She slides down the counter and sits on the floor with her knees brought up to her chest. She lays her head on her knees as she begins to let the tears flow more freely. The first yell that broke free startled not only her but Maura as well. Startled and slightly shaking, Maura reaches a hand out to Jane, she places her hand on Jane's shoulder. Jane recoils, and looks at her like she has lost her mind, "Don't...Don't touch me."

Maura looks at Jane, and with a bewildered look removes her hand from her girlfriends shoulder. "I don't want you touching me." Janes words were cold and tight. Maura just continued to look at Jane. Without realizing it Maura had started to cry as well. "DON'T!... stop it you shouldn't be crying." Maura instantly straightened up and composed herself and turned to leave the kitchen. Jane made no move to follow. Sitting there she replayed the moment before. _Shit Rizzoli, why cant you do or saying anything the right way?_

Maura had made her way to the bedroom. Sitting on her side of the bed, she cried. Not only had this horrible thing happened to Jane, but know Jane was distancing herself, pushing Maura away. Maura knew that Jane would need her space to deal and hopefully come to terms with what had happened that night. She grabbed a tissue and dabbed at the tears that clung to her eyes. Taking a deep breath she stands and heads to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for bed.

Jane still sitting on the floor hears the shower as it turns on. Waiting a few moments, she makes her way to the bedroom. The table lamp on Maura's bed stand is the only light in the room. Jane lowers herself onto her side of the bed. Laying back she lets her mind wander. Images start to form, a fuzzy Dirty Robber, An even fuzzier goodbye to her partner as she was preparing to leave. She actually got goosebumps as she thought about the cool, crisp air that greeted her when she stepped out side the bar. Without realizing it Jane had slipped into a deep restless sleep.

Maura finished her nightly routine, and opened the bathroom door to a sleeping detective in the bed. She just stood and watched as Jane's face contorted with the dreams she was having. Maura knew it was Jane's minds way of dealing with everything. She wanted nothing more than to run over and hold Jane and help her through this, but Jane had made it perfectly clear she didn't want Maura touching her. At the thought of this Maura's heart sank. She turns the light in the bathroom off and slowly makes her way to her side of the bed.

Thinking that sleep will be elusive tonight Maura reaches up and turns off the lamp next to her. Laying on her back, she stares at the ceiling. As she lay in the darkness she begins to feel the slow waves of sleep lapping at her conscious mind. Not having the energy or the need to fight sleep off she lets it take her. The darkness of the room is nothing compared to the empty darkness of her sleep.

Startled awake, Maura lays completely still and quiet, trying to figure out what has woke her. She hears it, a small voice. Jane is mumbling and slightly moving in her sleep. Maura Stares into the darkness at what would be the form of her girlfriend if there were any light. Maura is torn, she wants nothing more than to reach over and calm her lover as she sleeps, but she made it very clear earlier that she didn't want Maura to touch her. Maura quietly starts to sooth Jane by talking to her and letting her know she is there. Jane begins to roll over towards Maura, not moving Maura stiffens as Jane rolls into her and cuddles next to her. Jane is still and quiet for a while.

Just as Maura starts to slip into sleep again she hears it, Jane is whimpering. "please... no... don't...help... Maura!" as the words become clearer Jane becomes more agitated. This time Maura lays her hand on Jane's side and starts to whisper, "I am here Jane. Shhhh shhhhh." The brunette slows her agitated movements and the words start to become incoherent. Jane is starting to fade into the deep sleep that Maura knows she needs.

Feeling Jane move in the bed next to her Maura opens her eyes. Seeing that Maura is awake Jane says "Hi." the dark storms in Jane's eyes are a little less threatening this morning. "Hey." Neither woman wanting to move away from the embrace of the other, they lay in bed and look into each others eyes. Jane is the first to avert her eyes. Maura can see the fear, hurt, and anguish in her lovers eyes. Maura was on the verge of getting out of bed when Jane spoke. "I... I am sorry, for last night." Maura just lay there watching the thoughts and words roll behind Jane's eyes. "I didn't mean what I said. I mean it didn't come out right." Maura was surprised when Jane enveloped her in a hug.


End file.
